Teen Boundaries: Setting
The Rules And Rewards
Teen
boundaries are often the most difficult of all rules to enforce. As your child gets older, you will need to
give them more freedom and that means more opportunities to disobey the rules
when you are not looking. For young
children, hiding a playmate's toy is one thing, after all you usually would
find out what they did. As teenagers,
you probably will not know what they are doing every waking minute. This is
worrisome, but it can be one of the best feelings to know that your child has
the ability to make good decisions and to be confident in their well-being.
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Walking
The Line
One of
the balancing acts that parents have to have with teen boundaries is to know
where the balance beam is. You need to
be willing to give them freedom so that they can go out into the world and make
a place for themselves, with you there to help pick up the pieces. On the other hand, you cannot be so out of
the loop that you do not realize what is actually happening and not see them go
too far. This is often the most
difficult of places for a parent to be, but one of the most important places
for you to consider.
Setting
Rules
The teen
boundaries you set will need to provide them with some ability to be part of
their world, in whatever limited or non-limited form you would like. Yet, many
parents will find that giving their child more freedom does not mean poor
parenting. Set rules that allows your child to make some decisions for
themselves. This way, you can see what
type of person you have raised and you get to learn just how well they are able
to live in the real world.
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Here
are some tips to help you to set teen boundaries for your children.
· Sit down
with them and be straight with them. Let them know what you expect from them in
terms of the lifestyle they will lead as a teenager and beyond. Let them know
you trust them, but that you also are watching to make sure they deserve that
trust.
· Trust
them. If you are continuously checking
the mileage of their vehicle, they will know about it and they may feel as if
you do not trust them. This could push
them into doing things to push you farther.
· Encourage
their decision-making abilities. As you
set new rules, talk to them about them.
What do they believe is fair, and what is not? Find out from them what they believe they can
do. This way, a compromise is formed and
ultimately, both parties feel like they got what they wanted.
Perhaps the most important part of setting rules is following through with
them. No matter what teen boundaries you
put in place, be sure that you are following through with punishment when they
do not follow them. Unlike a young
child, teenagers won't do well with time out.
Rather, their punishments can increase as well. Not being able to go out with friends, being
unable to drive the car or having other privileges taking away from them can
sting enough to keep them from making the mistake.
If you do
not follow through, chances are good they will continue to push the envelope.
Realize that as a parent it is up to you to make the rules and to follow
through with them. At the same time,
when your child does well, reward them.
This may mean giving them the ability to do more or to get more. The key here is notice when your child is
doing well and rewards them for doing so.
Ultimately, this will be the best way to get them to continue to follow
the rules.
Teen
boundaries do not always have to be set in stone. And, they will likely change over the teen
years. Having them and letting everyone
know what they are is the best way to encourage your teen to do well. In many ways, the goal is to work with your
teen to establish goals and safety measures.
You are not necessarily looking to punish them, just to protect
them. Let them know that.
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With my best wishes